a sectary astronomical

To: ofoster@lancaster.edu
From: edamorefoster@lancaster.edu
Subject: trouble

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( Ophelia )

( Ophelia )

I'm all patched up and ready to accept my accolades. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, shame on you, and I will not pause to relate how I received an honorable wound representing England in Lancaster's first-ever international fencing exhibition. Those who were not in attendance will regret missing it for the rest of their lives, it pains me to say.

I consider the scar I shall have a badge of honor, gained on the field of combat against the French. My ancestors fought valiantly against the scoundrel Napoleon, and after today I can feel that I, too, have done my part. Now you all know I'm never one for self-congratulation, but I think we all can agree that this duel was one for the history books.

And remember: France may have won the battle, but England always wins the war.

To the ladies who may have been alarmed by the sight of blood, never fear. 'Tis but a scratch. I've been ordered by the nurse to be resting, at the moment, but feel free to come by and reassure yourselves that England's champion is healing. Room 209. My door is open.

And yes, I have been typing this one-handed. Another of my innumerable skills.

One of the little Lower girls told me I should apply (that isn't the right word, is it?) for the drama club play. Apparently she got the idea from Benson, who inexplicably put me in his imaginary cast list for that sickening high school thing. In any case, how could I say no to an adorable little Lower? They're like puppies. Saying no is like kicking them. Plus, apparently there's fighting in this play.

So here I am. I'm applying. What do I have to do, exactly?

Also, to any interested parties, may I say that there will be a fencing exhibition match this Saturday, on the west lawn. Feel free to attend. Staff, don't worry: no school property will be damaged, and damage to students will be minimal.

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( I should have been that I am, had the maidenliest star in the firmament twinkled on my bastardizing. )